Frustration

So, I started writing again. Its not exactly a new project seeing as I tried to write it for NaNoWriMo, but it feels completely different to that story because I've gone about it a different way. Same characters, same setting, same basic theme. But it all feels new. And new makes me excited to write more.

I've started a kind of self-imposed writing challenge: I finish this before midnight on March 31st, just in time for Script Frenzy. Having a little over a month makes this seem like a much more bearable NaNoWriMo. I wanted to handwrite, because I always feel much more creative that way. This makes writing a little slower, but I'm not sure if its a good or bad thing. Its a bad thing because I have to set aside more time a day to reach my goal. But its a good thing because taking my time forces me to really think about what I'm writing (which is something I did not do back in November) and means that I'm more focussed on the quality of my writing. Its a bad thing because I now start questioning everything I write and over-thinking. Its a good thing because it means less editing work to bring it up to a decent standard.

As you can see, I'm in two minds about this handwriting thing.

I started on Sunday. Not thinking, just writing. And if things started getting too boring, a skipped ahead in time a little and picked the story up in a slightly different place. Sure, I've now got a few paragraphs that make the writing quite jolty, but it kept me writing. The point of the story that took me 11, 807 words to get to back in November, took me just 2, 000 words on Sunday to get to, which is how it should have been in the first place. I'm happier with the quality of this writing much more than the quality of the incoherent ramblings from November.

I stopped writing, on Sunday, at a place I was excited to return to. I was very happy with the scene I'd just written and it made me very optimistic about actually being able to finish this story. I procrastinated all day yesterday, mainly on sorting out what kind of novel-fuelling snacks I might need to keep me going, as well as snacks I'll need to take with me to Uni when Semester One starts next Monday. I procrastinated some more by going out and buying those snacks. I can't even remember how I procrastinated the rest of the day away but I finally sat down to write at 8:30pm, wrote about 200 words, and gave up for the day.

I gave up because what I was writing felt like crap. The quality of the previous day was buried under 200 words of rambling crap. I gave up because in those 200 word, I managed to lose my excitement over writing this story.

Why is it that I always give up on Day Two? Is it because the story isn't 'new' anymore? Is it because the reality of the hard work involved in creating a believable world without plot holes and inconsistencies is suddenly too much for me?

I'm getting really tired of feeling like this.

Bored Ramblings...

After spending an entire month overseas, my hometown is one of the most boring places on earth. I know its partly my fault, because I haven't caught up with friends yet or even tried to find something exciting to do outside of my house....but....I'm bored.
The kind of bored that makes me feel really restless and hyperactive but at the same time really down about myself, like I can't do anything properly. I don't know if anyone else ever feels that way when they're bored. It's not fun.

The worst par is that I have all these creative projects to work on, and I WANT to work on them, but this boredom-induced self-doubt makes it hard for me to look forward to things I was excited to get home to.

Like that novel I didn't finish writing for NaNoWriMo ( I lost that, by the way. Got 12,000 words, though, before the pantomime took over my life...wait, I mean soul) I was really excited to get back to that and am planning to finish it in time for National Novel Editing Month in March, and then turn it into a script in April for Script Frenzy.

I guess I'm just kind of stuck in a rut. I have all of this creativity bursting to get out, but because I'm not challenging myself to use it efficiently, I'm getting restless and bored, which is making me very unhappy. Maybe I just need to use it in another way. Not just writing..... Maybe I need to start making more video blogs. Or maybe I'm just dreading going back to work today.

Who even knows?

FINALLY!

Why the silence? Well, apart from the huge pile of Uni assignments to finish by November 8th, I went and got myself a role in a pantomime!! Just in time for November and NaNoWriMo!!! YAY!!! *shoots self*
So I have a role (well, two actually) in a pantomime that goes up on the 25th of November and runs until 5th December. Yes, the last five days of NaNoWriMo. We're rehearsing 9am - 5pm Monday to Friday. Thursday nights and Saturdays I work.
What does all of this add up to? Very little time to write!!

I had planned on keeping a daily blog this November, but I haven't posted because I had nothing to report. I didn't think anyone would enjoy my rambling excuses as to why my word count is still at 0. BUT-

I STARTED TODAY!!!

I honestly didn't think I would ever start. I was sure I would give up (again) because it just seemed to hard. But I started!
I got 2,143 hand written words done today, in just over 2 hours!!!

I don't want to give up any more. I know I'm well behind (I'm supposed to be at around 12,000 words) but It's still possible to do this!!!! And now I'm determined to do this! And, if you can't tell from all the exclamation points in this, I'm really happy about actually having words written!

Yours giddily,
Sarah.
-------
WORDS: 2,143
CUPS OF COFFEE CONSUMED: um.... 4?
NO. RED-BULLS: 4?
NO. 4TH WALL BREAKAGES: 1
SANITY: 43%

Planning Part 1

I love how I only use this blog to document my thoughts/emotions/process during some writing competition . I love even more how much I fail at completing said writing competitions 3 days in. And I love how I promise to keep updating on a regular basis, but after failing each writing competition, I stop because I have nothing to document. And then I attempt another one it begins again.

And, its time, yet again for this vicious cycle to start. That's right - NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) starts in 24 days, and I intend to write daily blog post during this occasion. Before it begins, though, I will be providing updates on my planning process.

But, you know. Being more exciting than that.

Planning? I have a vague plot and my main characters have names. Aaaaaannnndd...nope. That's it. *head desk*
I have a feeling November is going to be a little crazy.

So, heres the thing...

I am incurably, incredibly lazy.
I'm not sure weather or not I'm still doing JulNoWriMo or whether I should just pull out seeing as I have a total of 1300 words for the last 15 days, or whether I should just try my hardest to make up the 20-something thousand words I'm behind by.
I decided to go with a completely different story idea anyway.

Also, I need to make more videos on my YouTube channel. And more interesting ones on my collaboration channel because currently they are at level FAIL, although its not entirely my fault. Our channel appears to be falling apart.*le sigh*

And now I don't know how to finish this.




BYYYYEEEEEEEEE

Day Three....bleh

Today just needs to be over. I've changed my mind about this story so many times today its not funny. At one point I had started over with a new story and characters and was just going to wing it for the rest of the month. But a few hours later I remembered how stupid that was when I had a perfectly good plot all worked out and waiting. And of course, I remembered how good it was.
My plans to start WriDay at 4pm did not go to plan. So I will be starting at midnight - which is in 20 minutes. Okay, I will be starting after getting some sleep because my brain hurts and my emotions are all over the place. And so is this post. Why do I have a policy of not editing my posts before I upload them? Oh right, because I wanted to be able to go back and relive the emotions I was feeling at the time or some shit like that.
Nothing like running into The Ex(in my case, very literally) to screw with your mind and ruin your day, amirite?

BLEH.

Day Two: Progress! (Sort of)

Now, Sarah. After our last chat, how many words did you go away and write?
.
.
.
.
None. That's how many words I wrote. Which bring me to a total of ZERO/FIFTY-THOUSAND.
In my defense, I have spent the last 12 hours planning.
Number of Main Characters: Three
Number of Main Characters with names: Three!
Plot: Basically there.
World Building: advancing fast.

After a short shift at work tomorrow, I will come home and be ready to attempt my first ever word sprints! As I am taking part in WriDay (checkout the WriYe forums), I will be attempting to write ten thousand words in twenty-four hours. I say attempting because I honestly have no idea how many I can mentally manage, having never done anything like it before. I am changing the rules for WriDay for myself slightly though. My twenty-four hours starts at 4pm Saturday and goes until 4pm Sunday because I need a few hours for my mind to recover before I can sleep otherwise my dreams become terrifyingly complicated and just plain trippy.

Writing starts in T-minus 18 hours!